E-Tip #13 – Not away from, towards

26^th July 2006

 

My 30 day challenge…

I spoke to a friend last week and she said she loves my e-tips (thanks Nikki) and said they set her up for the day.  She then pointed out that over the past few weeks, they were a little sporadic, rather than weekly.  As I believe there is no failure, only feedback, I thought I’d do something about this.  And so I’m setting myself the challenge of writing an e-tip a day for the next 30 days to create a new habit, and share more of the best stuff that I know works.

I know we’re all busy people and get shedloads of emails every day and so I’m going to keep them short – another new habit!  Some days they might be a thought or a new connection I’ve made about what seems to be happening for businesses or people or life, which is something I seem to do very naturally.

So, how about setting yourself a 30 day challenge too?  Something that you can practice every day, however small.  If you’d like to share it with me that’d be cool, or ask me to write about something that would be helpful to you.   Maybe it’s generating a new project, being more relaxed in your job, saying no to people, leaving the office at 5pm, taking your lunch break, spending more time with your family (I’ve never heard anyone on their death bed say I wish I’d spent more time in the office!), or getting some new clients (how many new clients?), or improving a relationship that’s not working as usefully as you’d like?  As a friend said to me last year, if you make just 1% change a day, over 100 days, that’s a complete change!  And if you make a mistake, it’s only a 1% mistake! That’s just over 3 months.  And they reckon it takes just 21 days to create a new habit.  So 30 days cuts you a little slack for those ‘being human’ days!

Today’s e-tip

Last week I wrote about writing things down to make them happen.  Well, as part of that process it’s better to put down what you want, rather than what you don’t want.

You see, the brain can’t process the ‘don’t’.  For example, if I say to you, don’t imagine a purple elephant with pink spots, what do you imagine?  A purple elephant with pink spots!  You can’t not think about something.

In coaching we talk about creating going towards strategies, rather than away from strategies –moving towards what it is you want, rather than away from what you don’t want.  An example of a common going away from strategy is I want to give up smoking, whereas a going towards strategy is I want to be fit and healthy.  The latter tells the brain what you want and it creates an image and starts to take action around that.

For some people, they have goals like: I don’t want to be stressed or I want less stress (so you still want to keep the stress??!!), I don’t want to be overworked, I don’t want to be in debt, or I don’t want to be tired all the time…and guess what happens????

So to turn this around, if it’s a weight issue, a going away from strategy could be I want to lose 2 stone.  A more useful going towards strategy could be I want to be confident wearing a bikini on a beach (as my neighbour Katie pointed out to me) or maybe I want to have a firm and toned body.  Be as specific as whatever works for you.

In business, particularly small businesses or individuals, people are often worried about business drying up.  And this is a great example of a going away from strategy.  And the strategy works to a point where it can often drive you to working all hours God sends (or whichever Deity or higher thing you choose to believe in J).  But how would it be and how would you act if you had the going towards strategy of work comes easily and effortlessly to me, or, I can generate sufficient business working just 30 hours per week.  What impact would that have your life? What different decisions would you take?  How would you do business?  What clients would you choose to work for?  Would your life be better or worse?

Maybe not instantly, but over time, rather than running away from the thing you don’t want, you’ll notice yourself taking action to achieve what you do want.  And it will begin to manifest itself and with those around you.

And once you’ve decided what you want, ask yourself what’s the first step I can take to achieve that? And however small, take that step within 24hrs (hint – and write down what that action is J).

Today’s exercise:

·         Pick something that may be on your list that you want to achieve

·         Check if it’s a going away from statement (i.e. the thing you don’t want), or a going towards strategy (what you do want)

·         If you get stuck on creating a going towards strategy, ask yourself the question if I’m not doing [insert here what you don’t want], what am I doing instead?

·         And then take some action on that within 24hrs, however small, and notice what you notice

This is useful in all walks of life, not just business.  If you have children, rather than tell them not to shout, jump up, pick on their little sister, tell them the behaviour that you’d prefer them to do instead – talk quietly, sit down, or be kind to your little sister.  So they know what you’d prefer them to be doing instead, rather than creating a vacuum of confusion of not knowing what to do.  And you know how creative kids can be with their behaviour to fill that vacuum! And you’ll notice, over time, that they’ll find themselves doing more of the behaviour you want them to do.

And remember, whatever you do, have fun too!

Anthony

©Anthony Davis 2006. All rights reserved