e-tip no. 79 – successful negotiating – part 1

When some people approach negotiating, say for a pay rise or time off work or a new contract, they often go into the negotiations with some limiting beliefs which make it very difficult to get what they want.

These could include:
· I’ve never got what I wanted before so why should now be different?
· It’s a battle out there: it’s the survival of the fittest!
· I’m not good enough to get this; why me? (Well, why not you this time?)
· They want to get one over me; get me to do something I don’t want to do

And remember that Darwin actually said evolution is not the survival of the fittest or the strongest, but the most adaptable to change.

So how can you adapt?

Negotiating for most people is about someone winning and someone losing – that’s not sustainable long term – staff vote with their feet if they continually feel they’re losing and management is winning; and suppliers disappear – either refusing to do business or go out of business.

Successful negotiating is about reaching a point where both parties agree on what they ultimately want – even if you don’t know how this will happen right now. Because as soon as you believe in this possibility, over time, your incredibly creative and inventive mind works out strategies and ways to achieve this.

This is the strategy of how successful negotiations work such as the Northern Ireland peace process – both sides agreed they wanted peace – and only having agreed this higher goal then they got on with working out how this could be achieved, knowing that the previous adversarial approach (it’s a battle out there) wasn’t working and that the new strategy had to be different.

Today’s experiment
· When going into a negotiation – however big or small – think about the higher goal you want, for example winning not just this contract but creating an ongoing partnership; not just this pay rise, but a progressive career with the company. And just for a moment give up on how exactly this will be achieved
· Find out from the other party what they want – what’s their higher goal? This could be stated in the company terms of business or business plan or what they say. If they don’t talk the talk and walk the walk then over time, they’ll find business increasingly difficult. You could also use Pinchot’s 10 commandments for getting things done

Next week in part 2, I’ll be writing more on how to really understand the other person, and the four strategies you have in negotiations.

Until then…
Anthony

©Anthony Davis. All rights reserved 2007