e-tip no. 90 – The (imperfect) art of mind-reading

Many people believe they can do mind-reading: knowing what other people do and why they do it.  But actually every time you are doing that you are opening the window on your own mind and your beliefs and behaviours for others to take a peek at!

One of the best rules of marketing I ever heard is don’t see the world through your eyes.  That is, to be a great marketer you have to view the world from your client’s perspective.

We all have our own map of the world that is experienced through a set of filters called beliefs, values, behaviours, memories and experiences (and another sub-set of filters called deletions, distortions and generalisations).

For example, you send a text but don’t get an immediate reply.  Now, which of these reasons why they didn’t reply immediately do you believe is more true:

• They are ignoring me
• They can’t be bothered to reply
• I’m not important to them
• I’ve said the wrong thing and upset them
• They are driving or on a plane and so cannot text me
• They didn’t get my text or there’s a delay in the network
• They prefer to communicate in another way
• Their phone battery is flat or is out of credit
• Or some other reason

Whichever you consider to be ‘true’ tells you way more about you than the other person.  The only ‘true’ way to find out is to ask directly and be hopeful of an honest answer.  And again, the filters you choose to use will determine what message you will pick up!  A suspicious filter will pick up a suspicious answer just as an honest filter will pick up an honest answer.  It may be easier to remember it as:

• You hear what you choose to hear
• You feel what you choose to feel
• You see what you choose to see
• You think what you choose to think
• You believe what you choose to believe

By changing your filters, you will have a different experience.  And to remind you of Einstein’s definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different answer. Same filter: same answer.  Different filter: different answer.

To better understand someone, rather than overlay your view of the world onto them, first understand how they experience the world.  You will both be the richer for it and improve your mind-reading skills no end!

Until next time

Anthony

 

©Anthony Davis 2008.  All rights reserved