e-tip no. 80 – successful negotiating part 2

Last week I wrote that successful negotiating is about reaching a point where both parties agree on what they ultimately want – even if you don’t know how this will happen right now. Because as soon as you believe just in this possibility, over time, your incredibly creative and inventive mind works out strategies and ways to achieve this.

The second part covers the four strategies you have in negotiating which are:

• Changing yourself
• Changing them
• Doing nothing
• Getting out

In a little more detail and with some suggestions and ideas:

Changing yourself – learning and applying new stuff usually works, for example, changing your language using phrases such as I’m curious…or how would it be if or replying with a different than usual response. Shifting your beliefs – even only for a day or a meeting – say, from maybe this will never work to perhaps today’s the day also makes a difference.

Clear communication is the sole responsibility of the sender. If the receiver doesn’t understand the message then it’s your responsibility to ensure that they do.

Changing them – sometimes other people change and it may only need a small alteration to make a big shift. There are plenty of ways to do this, like dropping ‘seeds’, making suggestions and ideas in an open and curious frame of mind, or changing your language to influence them such as using metaphors or analogies, You might interrupt their patterns with a comment. Being open to new possibilities, clearly understanding their position or their (limiting) beliefs such as I don’t want to set a precedent (I understand that, so what would you like to set instead???) can make a difference.

Doing nothing – sometimes now is just not the time, the circumstances are not right and you just live with the situation. I’m not suggesting just coping as that’s not a sustainable long-term strategy. If the circumstances are not right, then work out what circumstances need to come together and provide a time frame.

Getting out – sometimes now is not the time and within the big scheme of things they or you are not going to change and then the best choice is to get out. If you are getting out, have something to go towards (i.e. what you want) otherwise you may find yourself going through the same hoops.

Today’s experiment

• Consider where you might currently be in negotiation. You may not even be aware of it! 
• Have a play with some of the above!

Until next time

Anthony

©Anthony Davis. All rights reserved 2007

e-tip no. 79 – successful negotiating – part 1

When some people approach negotiating, say for a pay rise or time off work or a new contract, they often go into the negotiations with some limiting beliefs which make it very difficult to get what they want.

These could include:
· I’ve never got what I wanted before so why should now be different?
· It’s a battle out there: it’s the survival of the fittest!
· I’m not good enough to get this; why me? (Well, why not you this time?)
· They want to get one over me; get me to do something I don’t want to do

And remember that Darwin actually said evolution is not the survival of the fittest or the strongest, but the most adaptable to change.

So how can you adapt?

Negotiating for most people is about someone winning and someone losing – that’s not sustainable long term – staff vote with their feet if they continually feel they’re losing and management is winning; and suppliers disappear – either refusing to do business or go out of business.

Successful negotiating is about reaching a point where both parties agree on what they ultimately want – even if you don’t know how this will happen right now. Because as soon as you believe in this possibility, over time, your incredibly creative and inventive mind works out strategies and ways to achieve this.

This is the strategy of how successful negotiations work such as the Northern Ireland peace process – both sides agreed they wanted peace – and only having agreed this higher goal then they got on with working out how this could be achieved, knowing that the previous adversarial approach (it’s a battle out there) wasn’t working and that the new strategy had to be different.

Today’s experiment
· When going into a negotiation – however big or small – think about the higher goal you want, for example winning not just this contract but creating an ongoing partnership; not just this pay rise, but a progressive career with the company. And just for a moment give up on how exactly this will be achieved
· Find out from the other party what they want – what’s their higher goal? This could be stated in the company terms of business or business plan or what they say. If they don’t talk the talk and walk the walk then over time, they’ll find business increasingly difficult. You could also use Pinchot’s 10 commandments for getting things done

Next week in part 2, I’ll be writing more on how to really understand the other person, and the four strategies you have in negotiations.

Until then…
Anthony

©Anthony Davis. All rights reserved 2007

E-tip 78 – Good news coming in 3’s

You know how many people expect bad news in 3’s, to the point that they cannot rest until they’ve ‘found’ the other 2 pieces of bad news?

Well, what about the good news?

Michael Neill the Success Coach suggests picking a day in your diary and making it a good news day and notice the good news that arrives, however big or small. Well it occurred to me how about looking for good news in 3’s?
Given that you’ll pretty much find what you’re expecting and looking for why not make it good stuff? Or you can decide not to decide whether it’s good or bad?

And over time what you focus on increases.

Today’s experiment
· When you get a piece of good news, however small or big, just expect another 2 pieces of good news to come along
· Or, maybe for each piece of bad news expect some equally good news to come along to balance it out. After all, Newton’s Third Law of Motion says that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction
· And for the ambitious seekers of good news, expect an extra 4 or 5 pieces of good news after the first one

Anthony

©Anthony Davis. All rights reserved 2007

E-tip 77 – Getting the biggest value from training

Think back to when you’ve been on a training course and ask yourself how much of what you were told you’ve actually remembered and apply?

Generally, you’ll retain and apply about 20-25%, which doesn’t sound particularly good value for money. That means to get £200 of value you have to spend £800 – £1000!

If within a few days of the course you practice what you’ve learnt you’ll retain about 50%, which means you still need to spend £400 to get your £200 value.

However, with just two short follow up coaching sessions the retention and application rate increases to about 80-85%! Which means that you only have to spend £250 to get your £200 value.

And a way to get similar resuts is teaching or coaching someone what you’ve learnt very soon after the course. Then you’ll get pretty close to the 80% level as coaching someone to replicate what you’ve learnt really embeds your new found skills, and you’ll remember too the little nuances and subtleties that make your it really effective.

Today’s experiment
· Take a skill or technique you’ve recently picked up. You could use one of my e-tips and having practiced and applied it, teach it to someone else, or use it in a team situation
· And coach them through the process or how to apply the new skill or technique – they’ve got it when they’re getting similar results to you
· And if you’re looking for new training, ask the potential provider if they provide follow up coaching or post-course access to the trainers. It makes sense to get the most value out of your investment doesn’t it?

And have fun too!

Anthony

©Anthony Davis. All rights reserved 2007

E-tip No. 76 – Quickly getting to the bottom of a problem

Have you ever been stuck on a problem not knowing where to start or what to do and seemingly going round in circles?

Well often the sticking point can be the tiniest thing that once you are aware of you know what to do to move forward. And this can happen very quickly by asking just a few incisive questions.

And here are the questions to do just that…

Today’s experiment
· Ask yourself what do I want? (if you don’t know how to answer this, go here for help).
· Then, ask yourself: what stops me? And go with the first response that immediately springs to mind, whatever it is.
· Then ask yourself: What do I want instead? And go with the first response that comes up
· Then ask yourself: What stops me having/getting [insert here what you want instead from the response above]?
· And then keep repeating the two questions above until you come up with the same response, or you have an Ah-ha! moment as you discover the thing that stops you.
· If that doesn’t come up with the answer, replace what stops me? With How do I stop myself?
· You can also use this to coach your staff, co-workers, or even friends and partners to get to the bottom of a problem to enable them to move forward. Having good rapport here helps greatly. If you do it yourself, it may help the process to write down your responses.
· You could even use these questions in a team to solve problems:
o What do we want? (the outcome)
o What’s stopping us from being/having…? (e.g. a great product that people love to buy; new customers)
o What do we want instead?
o And repeat the last two questions until you get to the bottom of it – your starting point to move on.

Anthony
©Anthony Davis 2007. All Rights Reserved

E-tip No. 75 – Mind-setting

You cannot solve a problem with the same thinking that created it (Einstein)

Sometimes we get locked into patterns and we do things on automatic pilot:
· Taking the same route to work
· Getting up at the same time
· Watching the same TV programme
· Having the same conversation with the same people
· Sitting in the same chair
· Using the same websites

And in doing this, we’re often locked into a trance, just like being asleep. And with this pattern a habit is formed – sometimes useful, sometimes less so – and this can create habitual thinking.

Think about it: when you drive or take the train how much of the journey do you actually remember?

Sometimes it’s useful to break a pattern – even in a seemingly insignificant way – and in doing so creating a different mindset and then getting different insights, perspectives or new solutions.

Today’s experiment
· Change something in your routine today. And as you’re doing this you might be considering a problem that’s been bothering you. Hint: it might be more helpful to focus on a solution rather than the problem as which do you want more of? Problems or solutions?
· Some suggestions could be:
o Taking a different route home
o Talking to someone you don’t normally talk to
o Setting the alarm clock 15mins earlier
o Sitting on the other side of your desk or in someone else’s chair
o Walking the opposite way around the supermarket (this one will save you money too as they’re designed a certain way to encourage you to buy stuff you don’t need or want!)
· And just notice what you notice with this new mindset

Anthony

©Anthony Davis 2007. All Rights Reserved

E-tip No. 74 – Exceeding your expectations

I’ve just finished a 4-day girls only ski coaching clinic and had a great time. Many achieved just on the first day what they expected to achieve by the end of the course! One very experienced skier who’s been on many technical skiing courses said on the second day that what Anthony has achieved for me is truly miraculous!

And it reminded me that when we set an expectation of how long something will take often we take pretty much that long to do it. And yet when you become open to the possibility of new ways to achieve what you want then you can sometimes get there more quickly. For example on my ski clinic during the first day, one client’s knee became very painful and she rated the pain 8/10 with 10 being the worst pain imaginable! Within 2 minutes and with doing some TFT (a form of acupressure and NLP) I reduced it to 4/10 and few minutes more it was 1/10 and she could then continue enjoying her day’s skiing. Way quicker and more effective than any painkiller.

If you want to test this idea out, use my car parking space technique: Just before you’re looking for a parking space, just imagine one turning up exactly where you want it. You might have to wait a minute or two but it usually appears. And when it does say thank you as you park the car.

Today’s experiment
· Pick something you want to achieve and focus on the outcome you want
· Then allow yourself to be open to achieving that outcome in a different way to how you previously imagined and expected
· And then be open and notice opportunities and solutions that may or may not achieve that outcome, and just suspending disbelief for a moment knowing that you can always go back to the old way if that works better.

Until we meet…

Anthony

©Anthony Davis 2007. All Rights Reserved

E-tip No. 73 – How convincing are you?

When you’re looking to buy something, say an item of clothing or something for your home, how many shops do you visit before you decide on your purchase? One? Three? Five? Ten?

Well it’s the same with business. For most people they need to compare what you’re offering or come across your business or product several times before they are confident of making a purchase.

And for most people they need to be convinced at least 3 different times or ways.

Today’s experiment
· For your product or service ask yourself how many ways can prospective customers ‘see’ or come into contact with you? Think: website, brochure, networking, advertising, referral, media, newsletter etc
· If you’ve come up with less than 3, which other ways would be most appropriate for you to add for your prospective customer to be convinced? And the more you add, the more likely the customer will be convinced to do business with you. (And this also works for meeting people too)
· And for some ideas, check out E-tip 65 – 30 ways to do your marketing

Until we meet…

Anthony
©Anthony Davis 2007

E-tip No. 72 – How do you want to react?

Have you ever had an argument with someone – a colleague, your partner, one of your children, someone in a call centre, and it pretty much always goes the same way?

You say one thing, they come back with another, you say something else and so it goes to the same conclusion (which you don’t want)…like a record being stuck?

It’s as if you know the outcome before the conversation even starts?

Most people think they automatically react to something when it happens. It’s as if they can’t change it. It’s just me! They made me say that! I can’t help it!

Well, genetically, the only two automatic reactions are the flight and fright ones and these are designed to protect you, which means that the rest are learnt. It’s just a habit and behaviour that’s all and like any habit or behaviour you can learn new ones that work better than the old one.

And now knowing this you can change how you react and change the outcome. After all when you do the same thing you get the same result. If you want a different result, change what or how you say it.

And that will interrupt the pattern of the other person, and they’ll have to think and say and behave differently and you can take it from there.

Today’s experiment
· When someone says something to you (or texts or emails) – as they have done previously – this time take a pause before responding (taking a breath is useful here)
· Then, make a conscious choice in deciding what would be a more useful way to react . And this time in a way that’s different to before (after all the previous ways didn’t work so you may as well try something new hadn’t you?). For example, respond with humour, or instead of using the why question, use a what question instead?
· If you can, be in a kind and generous and forgiving state of mind, and you’ll say the right thing. Like most things, with practice it gets easier.
· Just have a practice at this and I think you’ll be very pleasantly surprised.

Until we meet…

Anthony

©Anthony Davis 2007

E-tip No. 71 – Raising Awareness

Yesterday I was talking about 3 ways to improve what you’re doing. To recap, they are:
· Focus
· Awareness
· Feedback

For it is by bringing our full attention to something we can use our full capabilities and resourcefulness most effectively.

So what is awareness?

Being aware is noticing and being curious about what is going on in an open, honest and non-judgemental way, without necessarily forming an opinion about what it may mean. This is pretty much the way a coach works.

And our awareness depends on the filters we put on when we consider something including: beliefs, values, prior experiences and training, capabilities and resourcefulness. And they’re different for everyone, which is why we all have different perspectives.

And if you change your filters, you change your perspective and can learn something new or gain insights.

Today’s experiment
· Pick something you do today, say having a conversation with someone, and just become aware of what is going on with you and them.
· Then change a filter, and notice what you notice. For example, in the conversation, pick up how many times somebody says what they don’t want, compared to how many times they say what they do want.
Or, rather than me tell them what to do, how can I help them solve their own problem?
Or, just believe for a moment, that this conversation will resolve itself naturally, although I don’t know how that will be at the moment.
· So rather than jumping to immediate conclusions, do this in an open, honest and non-judgemental way and just notice what is different.

Until we meet…
Anthony
©Anthony Davis 2007